Romantic Comedy Novels: Getting Her Ex Back
This is one of Raven Ferrari's more recent romantic comedy novels that's not just funny, it's one of the most hilarious romance novels of 2016! This story is filled with energy and drama that will keep you in stitches until the very end. If you enjoy interracial romance books with strong black female characters, you'll love this book since it focuses on a group of friends that really have each other's back through thick and thin...
Have you ever ended a relationship and known it was for all the wrong reasons?
That's how Naomi felt when it came to David. The entrepreneur and famous owner of the multi-million dollar company David's Tea was the love of her life, until news anchor Naomi ended their relationship very publicly on live television.
The breakup was a complete mistake.
Naomi knew it, David knew it and all of their friends knew it too...
When a relationship ends under such circumstances, you have only one choice:
Find a way to get your ex back or move on forever, resigning him to be "the one that got away".
Naomi and David are content to pick option two, but their gang of messy (yet loving) friends refuse to let that happen.
As their friends try to push them back together, Naomi and David experience a whirlwind of setbacks, most significantly David's newest manager Jen who is desperate to have a taste of David and his money.
Will Naomi lose out to this gold digger or does true love still stand a chance?
Romantic Comedy Novels: Getting Her Ex Back Excerpt
CHAPTER ONE
It was Judy McCarthy’s last day at WCTV News Channel 9. She had been with the branch for 20 years, and worked her way up to management. Over her tenure, she’d created a kind of ‘momma bear’ culture around the office. Everyone was busy melodramatically whining and moaning that the momma bear was leaving the cave and now the little cubs would have to start to fend for themselves. Soon Joe Smitherson would be taking Judy’s place as the alpha bear and the entire company would play a giant game of musical chairs -- everyone had high hopes of snatching up a promotion, or at least a better office. Naomi had been a part of the Channel 9 team for the last two years as a fact checker, and she was finally, at long last, about to have her chance in the spotlight. Their nightly news anchor had graduated to a producer’s paygrade and it was now her time to shine…
Since there were at least six other dickheads competing for the position, and the HR manager was a big fat dickhead himself, he decided to make everyone fight each other like wild dogs. “Think of it like a battle royale.” he said. “The best interviewer gets the job.” That’s what they said when they had first posted the challenge on the company’s bulletin board. The news spread around the office like a California brushfire and by the end of that afternoon, Trevvy, Binks, James, Alisha, Bob, Mert and Naomi were going head-to-head. Each of them set out to find the best local story to cover so that they could flex their interviewer muscles. Everything depended on their story: what it was about, and how they presented it. If Naomi could do the best job -- and get the highest ratings -- she would become the next big star of the Channel news team. She had chosen a fast growing tea joint in town ‘David’s tea’, obviously named after the owner.
With the other six competitors searching for wild, sensational, or scandalous stories, Naomi’s scoop about a quirky tea joint -- a place so mild mannered and tame that even coffee was too strong for the menu -- might have seemed a little boring. But looks can be deceiving. Indeed, they were in this case. See, Naomi knew something about journalism that her competitors did not. Just like a two dollar hooker, the tabloid headlines might attract more attention when no one’s looking, but during office hours all of the Johns want to look like gentlemen. The dickhead HR manager was no exception to the rule. During this battle royale he wanted a story that was both popular and respectable -- and a heartwarming rags-to-riches tale of David’s tea would be exactly the type of story to get Naomi hired.
David was young, steaming hot, and fucking delicious; and he made some great teas, too. When he was in his last year of business school, he’d done an in depth study the explosion of the cafe industry. David analyzed Starbucks and other big name coffee chains and figured out that their appeal had little or nothing to do with the coffee itself -- people just like to have a place to get a hot drink and that the coffee part was totally optional. Looking out at all of the coffee chains competing against each other, David wondered if maybe he was onto something. He decided to try to corner his own share of the cafe industry, only this time, he did something that had never been done before.
David’s tea had all of the comforts and amenities of a regular Starbucks-type coffee shop, but it focused entirely on exotic teas from around the world. It became a hit overnight. Within six months, he opened another location on the other side of town. By the time Naomi asked David for her big interview, he was on the cusp of franchising his twenty eight location along the east coast. This was another hometown-boy-does-good story that could warm even the most frigid heart. David had dropped out of school and by the ripe old age of thirty one, he had already become a multimillionaire. He was incredibly handsome -- he even had his own yacht -- but he was still folksy and warm. And, just in case that wasn’t enough for a blockbuster scoop, his freaking mommy was blind. Back before he’d made it big, she couldn’t even afford to cover her own medical bills. Naomi was dead sure that she had the make-or-break story of her career and that she’d slaughter the other Channel 9 dweebs in competition.
David had a lot to gain from all of this TV exposure, too. It would be the first time that his tea chain would be exposed to the world, and as the saying goes, “first impressions are everything.” If Naomi could make David’s tea strike a chord with her dickhead HR manager, and the world at large, not only would she have a sick new promotion, David’s sales for this quarter would skyrocket. With the stakes riding so high for the both of them, Naomi felt lucky -- like she got a lot more than she could have ever hoped to bargain for.
When the fateful interview came, the set lights were intimidatingly bright and hot. She was too blind too even see the camera in front of her, but she kept her cool. Naomi refused to show even the tiniest bit of nervousness on camera. David was calm and poised, too. In the back of her mind, she knew how important this moment was for her, but at the same time, Naomi was faced with a whole other problem that she hadn’t anticipated: Sitting face-to-face, she completely taken aback by David’s stunning good looks and charisma. She’d known what the man looked all along, but dayum!
David had that classic anglo-saxon ivy league square-cut jawline tapered with cutest dimples she had ever seen in, as she later put it, ‘her goddamn life.’ His voice was both dominant and commanding, yet soothing and sensual. From the very first moment that Naomi had met him, David embodied a perfect balance of rock-hard firmness and sweet softness in just about every aspect of his life. It was a combination that perfectly captured her entire obsession with him. For better or worse, she was hooked…
The camera went live and Naomi asked her first question. It was some inane crap about his childhood, or whatever. The answer came out of his mouth, but she was too mesmerised by his beautiful brown eyes to hear it. The interview continued and David looked deeply into her soul with those gorgeous puppy-dog eyes without flinching. She asked questions, he answered, they bantered and laughed, and their mouths kept moving the whole time, but Naomi have no idea what the hell they had spoken about for the rest of that interview.
She continued asking questions and David rapped about whatever came off the top of his dome. And of course, Naomi’s David’s tea interview was a smash hit with the viewers. Her dickhead HR manager loved it too, and naturally, she got the new position as lead news anchor of WCTV News Channel 9 prime time news. Millions of people started asking for a David’s tea on their street corner. All of America had watched them meet for the first time, they heard every word of their conversation, but the two of them were having a whole ‘nother discussion underneath their words. It all happened with their eyes. David’s eyes told her what Naomi really wanted to know. A lot of people have claimed to have fallen in love at first sight to the point of it now cliche, but Naomi and David were doing the absolute most.
Naomi was the first young, hot, black woman to have ever become lead news anchor of WCTV News Channel 9 prime time news. On the fateful day of her David’s tea interview, she didn’t just win a new promotion, she had met the love of her life. His name was David Woodward. Although Dave and Naomi had different racial backgrounds, they got along quite nicely. They quickly learned that there were still a whole lot of people who didn’t like blacks and whites to mix, but that was their problem. They weren’t bothered by the bigots. In fact, they got a huge kick out of making fun of those fugly racist onlookers. Whenever they were out in public and they caught some old fart turning their nose up at them they’d always start making out and groping each other like perverts!
Aside from his sexiness and sense of humor, Naomi loved David’s strong family ties. He actually made a point to introduce himself to her parents on their second date. Naomi’s parents loved him so much that her mom instantly started campaigning for little light skinned grandbabies. David also had Naomi meet his mom right away, which was a surreal experience for her. As you know from before, David’s mom was blind, so meeting Naomi’s meeting her for the first time was a little bit more involved than a hug or a handshake. David’s mom actually pawed over her face with both hands to get a proper ‘look’. When she was done, she turned to David and said that Naomi was the most beautiful girl she’d ever met and she couldn’t wait for them to get married.
From the very first date, Naomi knew that David was looking for something serious. There was no doubt in her mind where things would end up in their relationship. He always spoke about his fantasy future of the day when he was married and had a lots of little kids. Sometimes he’d get so excited about it that they would find themselves making adorable kiddie plans, sometimes for hours…
For the first few months, David and Naomi seemed like a match made in heaven. Even their friends loved each other. Err. Well that was true for the most part. Gabrielle and Zoe had been Naomi’s best friends for as long as she could remember. Soon after she and David started dating, she brought them along for wings and beer; David also brought his best buds, Brooks and Jason. Gabrielle sniffed around a for signs of possible match, but she ultimately lost interest after Jason opened his mouth. Zoe, on the other hand, wasn’t so easily swayed. She shifted into full femme fatale mode, with the hopes that either Jason or Brooks would be man enough handle her. Preferably both…
Jason came close, but again, no dice. He was tall, handsome and athletic, and similar to David, he also gave off a strong Ivy league vibe. It was all in his clean shaven face and red, slicked back hair. He was the type of guy that almost any girl would take notice of right away, buuuut he came with one obvious flaw. After a few minutes of chatting, something changed. At first, he came off as confident and charming. After twenty minutes of non-stop braggadocio however, Zoe started to see the tragic flaw hiding behind Jason’s facade of confidence. Jason felt the need to mention the price tag of his brand new Mercedes three times. He also droned on and on about himself without letting up for even a minute to let Zoe speak. Minutes after meeting him, Zoe already knew that Jason had commitment issues and that he had been a serial bachelor for his whole life. If only the poor guy could just stop talking, maybe then Jason could’ve gotten laid that night. Oh well; too bad, no shag. Jason lost his chance while Zoe moved on to her next hopeful…
There were over two hundred chicken wings with barbeque sauce slathered all over them in front of us, and there were too happy pitchers of beer on the table, too. While the rest of them sat back and enjoyed the feast, Zoe and Brooks went back and forth like a beautifully played tennis match. Zoe flirted with him and Brooks deflected her advances. He pushed her away and she chased more. She was the cat, he was the rag doll. He knew exactly how much to wriggle, and when he should play dead. Zoe had pointed to Brooks across the table told him to “come here” with her index finger. She was being all flirtatious and suggestive…
“Nah.” he said, while patting on his lap. “You come here...”
Zoe looked down at Brook’s lap and back up to his face. She smiled a little and bit her lip, but she ultimately shook her head for a firm, ‘No’.
Firmly rejected, this is the exact point where Jason would have surely screwed up. Jason might have asked a second time or third time, each time, sounding more desperate than the last. He would had said something about horsepower on his new Mercedes. Brooks simply shrugged his shoulders for a few seconds as if he were kidding about the whole ‘sit on her lap’ request anyway, then he went back to enjoying his delicious honey barbeque ribs. Zoe couldn’t have been more intoxicated. She couldn’t imagine how or why Brooks possessed such cold, calculated indifference, however she knew then and there that Brooks was indeed man enough to handle her. She turned things up a few notches…
Zoe stretched her high heel under the table so that her foot touched Brook’s leg. He definitely knew what that meant. With Zoe screaming her lustful intentions loud and clear, she expected that it would only be a matter of time before she and Brooks might become carnally acquainted. Unfortunately for Zoe, there was absolutely no way for her to have seen this next curveball coming. Brooks pulled his leg away, shook his head disapprovingly and unbuttoned his shirt collar. There was something white underneath. It was a clerical collar.
Although Zoe’s pride was wounded for the rest of that night, and although she may not have been destined to get her freak on with either Jason or Brooks, she was still happy to be amongst the new gang. They relished every moment of that first night, and there were many other nights just like that one. And now’s about the time in this story when you might be asking yourself, “Naomi and David really seemed awesome together, how did they break up? Was he secretly beating her? Was he sleeping around?”
No, and no. Nobody was altogether sure how things fell apart so quickly; not even Naomi and David themselves. By that point, they had been together long enough that Naomi was convinced that they would tie the knot eventually. It was all so confusing. If any of their friends were to explain why they broke up, perhaps they might have pointed to the night David realized that Naomi knew he only had one ball. This will take some explaining…
So David and Naomi had been banging like animals for a couple of months, and she could tell that he was very sensitive about one tiny little thing. See, whenever they fucked, there was always a vibe as if he were trying to hide something from her. First of all, the lights were always off, so the room was pitch black. That way, in theory, he figured that she couldn’t quite get a good look at the manly details of his body. Secondly, Naomi noticed that David never got totally naked when he was with her. He would either be wearing his boxers, or pants, or at least be under the covers. Third, whenever she tried to undress him further, David would always find a way to dodge her; maybe by switching positions or going down on her…
Perhaps David thought that Naomi wouldn’t notice or something, but she caught on to his big secret pretty quickly. No, he didn’t have a small cock. In fact Naomi was beside herself when she first felt him inside of her. He was as thick as a can of Red Bull! One night, during another passionate romp, David was distracted enough for her to risk getting a hand full of his package. That’s when she felt it. He only had one testicle. Needless to say, Naomi was totally baffled and confused. How the hell did that happen? Naomi had the sudden and urgent need to know the answer to this mystery, but she couldn’t just come out and ask him. What was she supposed to say? “Hey baby, did you get a little boo boo on your wee wee when you were little?”
… Naomi didn’t have to be a world famous news anchor to know that it was a bad idea to put David on the spot. She was too afraid to ask, but still, she wondered about his missing ball endlessly. This went on for weeks; months, even. David and Naomi kept carrying on as if everything was perfectly fine. He kept fucking her with his boxers on, and she kept acting like she didn’t know why he was doing it. She’d heard somewhere that ninety five per cent of people who got testicular cancer were over forty. David was only thirty one. Did that make him one of those unlucky five per centers? Obviously David had made it through puberty just fine because he could still shave, he still had a deep baritone voice, and was otherwise a fine specimen of masculine virility… but with only one ball, could he still have kids? Was all that talk about starting a life together just that -- talk?
Maybe she was overreacting. After all, David did have a spare ball, and yes, he shot out warm and hearty loads with deadly accuracy… but what happened, exactly? And could it happen again? Maybe he had suffered an accident when he was a child which had left him impaled. Naomi tried to imagine a young, post puberty David with fresh stitches on his scrotum from surgery. Somehow, that picture didn’t match up with the strapping alpha male that I’d come to know and love. If David hadn’t lost his testicle from an injury, then what, she wondered, could it have been? Was it a birth defect? Was he just born that way? What horrors had her sweet man endured?
To be clear, just because David was part of the Lance Armstrong club didn’t mean that he gave her wack dick. Naomi found sex with him to be AMAZING. Case in point: after their very last time together, their sheets were totally soaked. Afterward they passed out, but Naomi’s kitty was still purring with orgasmic pleasure. She woke up a few hours later smack in the middle of another toe-curling orgasm. She figured that it was an aftershock from the amazing cock that was inside of her a couple hours before. Naomi wasn’t sure why her body loved David so much, but that type of sexual bliss was only ever possible with him…
Even though David was flat out her best lover ever, he certainly didn’t feel like he was. Sadly, he had some sort of an inferiority complex because of his one testicle situation, which, oddly enough, Naomi found understandable. Every guy she’d ever known was obsessed with the size of his junk. She figured that David wasn’t much different. Maybe someone had made fun of him in the locker room when he was younger and it traumatized him. It absolutely broke her heart to see her man feeling so insecure about his body. It was especially ironic, because publicly, David was a total badass. Naomi couldn’t tell you how many times she wanted to shake David and scream, “It’s okay. I’m not here to judge you. I love you, and I’d do everything in her power to support you…” but no matter how many times she wanted to open her mouth and have a frank discussion, she always chickened out and kept her mouth shut.
Naomi never did ask David how his other ball started working freelance because she figured that he’d get around to telling her right when he was ready. It was a matter of time, really. As the months rolled by in their relationship, this elephant in the room grew bigger and more obvious. David himself finally started admitting that he knew how unusual his ‘boxers on, lights off’ habit was. He even joked about it -- always in a way that distracted from the issue and took things off topic. But eventually the awkwardness built up and things came to a breaking point. As predicted, David finally came to Naomi one day to have a ‘talk’... He sincerely apologized for not being upfront from day one, and she told him that there were no hard feelings. To be honest, he was like a lion with a wounded paw about the whole thing, and she wanted to be as gentle about it as possible.
David confessed to Naomi that the last three women that he’d dated had either left or cheated on him after they had seen his ‘deformity’. Can you believe that? Here was Dave -- young, handsome, a sweetheart, and rich, yet one little hiccup and bitches everywhere were tossing him out like yesterday’s trash. Sometimes she thought that every girl in the world was a complete idiot. After her heart-to-heart with David, Naomi swore to him that she didn’t care if he had one testicle, that she would never leave him over it -- and that she wanted him to feel totally comfortable with her. She even came right out and told him that she new he hold had one ball all along…
At the time, Naomi thought it was a good idea. She didn’t know why. Perhaps she figured that maybe he would feel at ease knowing that I’d been accommodating to him this whole time. As it turned out, however, David he didn’t take the news the way she thought he would. He was surprised… and somewhat neutral, but underneath, she sensed that her knowing about his missing manhood burned him up inside -- like maybe she enjoyed him because he was some sort of novelty or something. After they both came clean to each other, things got a little weird between them. David became painfully self conscious and paranoid. He thought she was making fun of him when she definitely wasn’t. Last Christmas Eve, she accidentally played that old Nat King Cole, classic Chestnuts Roasting on An Open Fire. David totally freaked out. Things spiraled out of control from there.
They fought over that unfortunate choice of music, and, feeling very sore about the whole thing, David decided to lash out at me. That’s when he revealed a secret that really did hurt her feelings. The words slipped out of his mouth and came at Naomi like the blast of a grenade: Zoe and Brooks had been sleeping with each other. Surely you remember Zoe, her best friend, and Brooks, the reverend. It had been going on for several months -- pretty much from the day they had met over wings and beer -- and she was just about the only person who hadn’t found out about it yet. She had never felt so embarrassed, left out, and betrayed by David; not before, not since.
Perhaps to be fair, David didn’t want to hurt her feelings. Emotions were obviously flying high after the whole Nat King Cole disaster. He was still a sweetheart, and he obviously regretted that he caused her pain. By then, however, it was too late; the damage had already been done. If she had known what was happening from day one, she would have done more to protect her girl Zoe. What had she gotten herself into? The way she saw it, there was no way that her affair with Brooks could have possibly ended well. For starters, he was a reverend. Add that to the fact that he was a married reverend, and I’m sure you could understand why she would be so worried.
Where was his wife in this whole picture? And what about his kids and the rest of his family? How long would they carry on with their affair before someone got hurt? And why did she get left in the dark? What else was David hiding? If he could keep quiet about his boy’s mistress, was he hiding one of his own? There was definitely one hoe that she had her suspicions about. There was a blonde bitch named Jen. She was the new general manager of David’s tea. she never liked her, and she never understood why David would hire her in the first place. She seemed like a total idiot. Every single time she saw her at her favorite David’s tea location, she’d get her order wrong. Besides that, she just had a bad feeling about her. I’d never seen anything to suggest that David was cheating on me, but in light of this new information, she simply didn’t know what to think…
After that terrible point in their relationship, David and she were never quite the same. They still had great sex, and she still thought he was hilarious, his mother still loved me, and he still dreamt of starting a family with me, but all of that good stuff was also poisoned by frequent fights about all sorts of stupid crap. They had they last fight at the worst possible time and place. It was quite literally a blowout affair. Since their first televised interview, David’s tea had expanded quite a bit, and she had become the most popular news anchor at WCTV News Channel 9. They had scheduled a followup interview exactly a year after their first one. Even though David and she were fighting here and there within the privacy of their relationship, They were mostly still happy together and they decided to be professionals about the whole thing and give the viewers a good, heart-warming followup to the David’s tea interview that had opened so many doors for them in the first place.
On this interview, she was accompanied by her co-host who said something so wildly out of line that not only did he disgraced himself as a news anchor, he also inflamed all of David’s insecure feelings about his genitalia. After they had asked David a few questions about the meteoric growth of his company, her co host dared David to make his best tea on live television. At first, David was a bit reluctant, saying that there was no ‘best’ tea. Everybody had their own favorite. That answer wouldn’t satisfy her co host. He pressed further. “What, Dave? Don’t have the balls to do it?”
When her co host uttered those first words, Naomi had been taking a sip of her water from the much in front of me. She was so shocked that she spat the water out from her mouth. As she waited to see what how David would respond. Just like before, the set lights were intimidatingly bright and hot, but this time, Naomi didn’t keep her cool…
“Did you put him up to this?” David said, looking at her furiously. “You did, didn’t you? On national TV, Naomi? How could you?”
As soon as the incident happened, Naomi called for an unplanned commercial break. Her co host had opened up a big wound that had already began to heal. This time it bled more profusely than before. David stormed off set, and Naomi followed him. They had a giant screaming match in front of the entire WCTV news team. When it was all said and done, Naomi knew that her career, David’s business, and their relationship had been irreparably damaged. David and Naomi agreed that they weren’t working together anymore. They decided to take some time apart…
“That was the last I’d heard from him.” Naomi said. “It’s been six weeks. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about him all the time. That’s pretty much her life up until this point -- I’m all by myself with nothing but the pint of peppermint and chocolate ice cream in her fridge to keep me company. To be honest, I wouldn’t even be on this date tonight if it weren’t for her girl Gabrielle. She thought it was time to put her foot down and force to move on from David, so she set me up with you. What can I say? I guess there are worse fates…
“Here we are… candle lit dinner. You look really nice in this light. And your hairline is receding in a really cute way. It makes you look tougher. I’m really glad we met, Egbert.”
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If you enjoyed this romantic comedy novel, I recommend you check out Untold Secrets on our website. This is one of Raven Ferrari's earlier works that's not only hilarious, but outstandingly written too. Click here to read more.